Thinking That Destroys Relationships

Thinking That Destroys Relationships

When we think negatively and have a negative mindset, it can ruin our relationships.  Having negativity and thought patterns that make us deceptive and irrational can be dangerous in any relationship.

There are things in our mind that sometimes convinces us that things are true that really aren’t.  These types of thought can cause us to have emotions that are not rational even though we feel that they are true and accurate.  These feelings can leave us feeling bad about ourselves.

We can view ourselves and others through these filters that cause us to assume the worst about ourselves and others and can cause us to not be able to have healthy relationships.

These cognitive distortions are what are the point of many relationships and this is one reason why we choose to be with who we are and not someone else.

When we see the world through bad emotions such as anger, sadness, hatred, jealousy or fear, our perception can make us push away people that are good for us.  We most likely will bond with people who also has these behaviors and agrees with our actions, someone that will love us even when we have an unstable personality.

Cognitive Distortions

Having cognitive distortions can cause us to overreact in almost any type of situation.  It can cause us to be withdrawn and silent and upset.  It can cause us to think that our partner is also upset or that he is just a jerk.  We will think we are being neglected and this will make us have low self-esteem.  It will cause us to have a bad attitude for days or to scream or yell.  The truth is that he probably had a bad day at work and is just tired.

Having these mental filters, these distorted cognitive ideas can cause us to see people differently than they really are.

If someone criticizes you such as your boss or someone you work with, you will feel bad about yourself and you will hate them internally even though you probably are the one with the real problem.

These cognitive distortions can cause you to take someone’s actions wrong.  If someone spends a lot of time or money on you, they might do this because they love you and wants to take care of you, but the truth is that he might really want to dominate you or own you.

These filters can cause you to have low self-esteem.  If someone doesn’t call or text you back, you feel that you did something wrong and beat yourself up.  You feel that you aren’t good enough when he really is not texting you back because he has a girlfriend or a wife.

Mental filters can make you have the wrong judgement of someone.  You want someone that will take care of you and make you feel good and you take a guy’s behavior and ignore it when he is really abusive or emotionally wrong for you.

These filters can cause you to judge others incorrectly.  If a person is reserved, you will think they are rude or selfish.  If someone talks a lot to you, you think that means they are going to be your best friend.

Cognitive Distortions that Ruin Relationships

Black and white thinking-this is when you see things as perfect or you see things as a failure.

Generalizing-when you see things as negative all the time.

Mental filters-you find something negative about someone and that is all you can think about.

Ignoring the positive-this is when you don’t allow someone to be positive and you discount everything that they do that is good.  You accept their negative talk but nothing positive.

Conclusions-When you interpret things as negatively and have no evidence to support why you feel that way.

Reading of the mind-this is when you feel that someone is treating you negatively, but you don’t ask why.

Telling the future-you assume someone is going to treat you wrong, so you stay away from them because you have already convinced yourself of this.

Minimizing or exaggerating-This is when you see everything negative in a bigger light and positive things you minimize.

Reasoning-When you try to allow your negative feelings to say how things really are.  If you feel it, it has to be real.

“Should”-when you motivate how you feel with statements that include should and shouldn’t.  This is when you feel guilty of what you are feeling, and it causes you to feel angry or frustrated.

Labeling Others-when you label someone’s behavior and put them in a negative light because they make a mistake or do something negative.

Personalizing-When you see yourself negatively even if something happened that was not your fault.


Always notice if you are having negative thoughts and try to figure out what is causing you to feel that way.  See if your thoughts are reality or your imagination.

Leave a Comment