Some people want to chase others, but chasing is not love. We are not really sure why we want to do this and what kind of expectations that we have. Sometimes, we find that we are desperate to find someone and then we want to isolate ourselves. We want to have a fulfilling relationship, but it seems easier to make an excuse for why we don’t have love.
Many of us feel that it is beyond our control to have a relationship and we will, or we won’t find someone to love us.
We don’t look inside of ourselves to see what makes us feel value and then we decide that we sometimes blame others for what we do. You might find yourself looking for signs in others, so you don’t have to look deep inside.
You can look at someone and wonder why they do not give much to the relationship or to fill our needs. We will believe that we are perfect, open, honest and that we know what we are looking for. We want to feel valued and loved.
But, at the same time, we want someone to tell us that we don’t deserve to be happy. We are not willing to give ourselves thoughts and actions that we need and we won’t give up the ideas that we have so that we can fill our missing piece, instead, we want to chase love like we go after a goal or a better job.
Some people put so much energy into chasing love that it leaves you feeling tired and bored. Even if we get a feeling we are like, we still will want to start all over.
No one will give us all of their time and we will set high expectations so we can be disappointed. We will allow our subconscious to take over and go back to chasing love.
We create an atmosphere that makes us feel that we are not valued. If we would take the time to look inside of ourselves, we would understand our motivations, maybe we weren’t valued in the past and maybe we want to withhold love because we don’t feel that we deserve it.
Some people have over-compensated their whole lives just to feel better about our past. We want to show up at home, with friends or at work when we want without anyone expecting things out of us.
How do we change ourselves so that we can have relationships that don’t make us feel out of control?
Learn to Stop
We have to stop feeling upset and anxious based on what life holds. We need to not beg and put more stress on others. We don’t want to push people away and we need to be more aware of how we are acting.
Listen and Then Speak
Listen to the story and learn the details. Listen and pay attention to what kind of relationships we have had as an adult. DO you always want to get value and validation from people? Speak about it and tell someone who cares. Tell the truth.
We have to understand why we are so upset and why we have a hard time connecting with others. We have a believe in our lives that has shown us how to act or who to be. We have to push our childhood behind us and learn to forgive ourselves and others. We must recreate who we are and stop beating ourselves up for what we have experienced. When something feels unnatural, know it is not right. Love will bring in something that feels perfect, learn to accept it.