Friends or More: How to Tell

Friends or More: How to Tell

If you are asking if your friendship could be more than just a friendship, then it is likely that you are already edging toward something more than friendship, even if just in subtle ways. If, by chance, you and the friend are single and looking, then something amazing could be starting. If not, trouble could be on the horizon.

Since there are few relationships that are black and white, you will need more than just a digging feeling to know for sure whether you are in a platonic friendship or if romance may be in the mix. Here are a few things to help you figure it out.

Your Thoughts

If you have had thoughts or feeling about your friend that go beyond the platonic norms, then you are likely developing feelings. This does not mean you are crossing into relationship territory unless you have acted on those feelings, but it does mean that you are thinking it out, even if just in your daydreams. What happens next depends on the relationship status of your friend and yourself.

If your friend or you are in a relationship, then back off because this is just not right. Set some boundaries for yourself to get things back to a platonic place. If needed, spend some time apart from each other to ease the feelings.

If you are involved with someone and your friend is not, then look inside yourself to figure out where these feelings are coming from. If you have been fighting with your significant other and someone that you like is starting to look good simply because there is no fighting, then handle your own relationship first. You may also feel emotionally closer to a friend than a spouse or significant other, but this is not attraction, just closeness. Spend more time connecting with your other half.

Moving from a platonic to romantic relationship can be risky and complicated. Be very cautious before and when acting on any feelings. If you think your friend may be interested, then end your current relationship, wrapping up loose ends, before moving forward with your friend. Do not “test it out” to see if things are a go with your friend prior to getting out of the other relationship. This only causes heartache. If you are going to pursue things with your friend, make sure you are totally free to do so. However, if it is your friend that is with someone else, then romantic feelings must be put aside. Do not act inappropriately and ruin a good friendship.

Physical Contact

If you have crossed the line and gotten physical through kissing or more, then your friend is on a boundary. Make a decision one way or the other to pursue a real relationship or stay friends. Ambiguity will only lead to pain. If either of you are not willing to clarify the relationship then someone is not as certain as the other person.


Flirting is an obvious sign of attraction. If one or both of you is flirting then you are moving toward a romantic relationship. Someone needs to make a move to see if things will work. However, if one or both of you is already attached, then stop flirting immediately. It is rude to the person’s significant other to flirt with the person they are with.

Figuring out where a friendship falls, romantic or platonic, requires self-reflection and honesty. Unclear boundaries cause pain, so make sure to know where things stand.

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