So, you met a guy and took a number, made a date, but you have yet to go out. Now is the time to relax and get to know him, but you are hearing wedding bells and naming your future children. This is not the way to enter into a casual relationship and definitely not a first date.
Below are some ways to chill out and take things at a reasonable speed:
- Avoid the Fantasy – If all your free time is spent in fantasy about this person and in those fantasies, he is perfect in every way, stop. No one is perfect and getting wrapped up in fantasy will only let you down.
- Chill with Friends – When meeting someone new it is easy to toss friends aside for the newness of the relationship, but this is unhealthy and unfair. Take some time to be alone with friends and relax before becoming overly involved in a guy you barely know. Friends are forever after all.
- See the Flaws – Someone new can seem perfect, but no one is in reality. Take off the rose-tinted glasses and recognize his flaws. They may be endearing, but should not be overlooked.
- Don’t Rush – Even though you may want to take things to the next level or get that girlfriend label, don’t push it. Starting to use the relationship word right away can scare him off. It also causes you to become too attached and possibly clingy. Let things progress naturally instead of trying to force it.
- Call His B.S. – In new relationships we all like to brag and embellish a bit. If he is spewing obvious BS, call him out. Letting him and yourself know you do not buy what he is selling will keep things slow while you decide if he is worth the investment.
- Don’t Let Life Revolve Around Him – A relationship is not the only thing you should be chasing in life and if it is you need to re-prioritize. In a new relationship, you may be tempted to drop everything and focus on the new guy, but this can force the relationship into an unhealthy overdrive. A guy is not what will complete you.
- Hold Off on Meeting Friends and Family – It can be tempting, especially around holiday time, to meet those in his social circle, but if it is early in the relationship, this is a poor choice to make. Once you are in with his ‘group’ the relationship is no longer about getting to know one another, it includes other people. This should be held off until you know each other very well.
- Live in the Now – You may have your five year plan on paper and be moving forward nicely, but plans do not always work out. Scheduling a love life is impossible and unromantic. Enjoy the here and now with the new guy and worry about the future, in the future.
- What do You Really Want? – If you are overly attached early on, ask yourself why. Sometimes we listen to our heart without checking in with our brains. Take the time to think about what you want and expect from the relationship before settling. You may not even be with the right person.
- Enjoy the Casual – Above all else, enjoy the casualness of a new and exciting relationship. No need to become a wife right away, enjoy the casual, get to know you and just have fun part before it can end. Whether you last long term or break up in a month, there is no need to hurry things along through the fun stage.