Why relationships may falter

Why relationships may falter

Perspectives vary. This is nothing new, especially in a volatile situation such as an intense environment such as a competition. Competitors are often drawn into an us vs them mentality and it may seem that the stakes are very high. This can create tension for spectators as well. Emotions run high  and no matter who is victorious, everyone is loudly proclaiming their side.

Regardless of whom you ask, everyone has a different story.  How can that be? The result of the event was finite, yet everyone believes their recollection of events.  Everyone selects what supports their belief when they tell the story.  The hero and villain depends on who is telling the story.

Unfortunately this is part of human nature. Adhering to your version of the truth is something we cannot get away from. The mind will look for all information that supports their truth, anything they can do to avoid the feelings of shame and regret that come with making mistakes.

It is this sense of rightness that can wreak havoc on a relationship.

There comes a time in every relationship when there is a disagreement.  This conflict doesn’t have to explode into a battle. Conflict is an opportunity for communication and a way to find a compromise. Just because you are out of sync for a moment, doesn’t mean that this cannot be resolved.

Your feelings will influence your perception

The conflict will be filtered through how you feel about the other. If you are unhappy with the way your relationship with the other is going you will see everything they do in a negative light.  Before you go any further in your conflict, see if you can find something to agree on. If you both want a positive resolution, you may deflect any further conflict.

Make sure the past is passed

If you have an unsolved issue prior to the argument, you may have negative ammunition saved up. Bad memories lead to negative interaction.  How you remember those events will affect the current conflict.  If you can’t stop the negative memories from surging forth in your conflict, try to remember a time when you had a positive interaction with that person. Ask yourself when you felt the most connected to them.  Using them in your discussion will help reduce negativity

You can’t move past the negativity

For some reason we all remember negativity for far long than positive interaction. This is due to our defense mechanism that evolved to ensure our survival. This is why we strike back with criticism and hostility. You can avoid this by speaking calmly and validation as you work through your problem. Let the other person know you understand their perspective.

Conflict is inevitable. How you handle it will greatly affect the outcome of your relationship. If you find that you are gathering ammunition for a conflict, remember that you have an active role in this as well. How you handle this issue can actually make your relationship stronger.

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