If the men that keep turning up in your life are all wrong. You know, the ones that don’t treat you well, who cannot be trusted for even a day, and are not mature enough for a relationship. You may be wondering if you are the reason you have been unable to find the one. You may even wonder if you are doing something to attract the type of men that just are not quite right for you.
The truth is that there are many men who should not be trusted. These are the ones not really looking for a relationship of any sort. If he is the wrong type of man, it will always feel wrong. This has nothing to do with you, it is just the type of guy that it happens to be. However, if you are continually getting into flings with the wrong one, while others seem to have found “the one’ and settled down, then it is time to take a look in the mirror.
There are eight basic areas you can review about yourself and possibly change to start attracting the “right” type of men. They are shared below.
What type of man do I want?
Though it may seem straightforward, have you ever actually sat down and thought about the type of man you are looking for as a partner? You can look forever for Mr. Perfect, but if you do not recognize him when he is around, it will do no good. Give some thought to who would make you happy if the chance to spend your life with them were to come about.
Make a list of the things that you truly desire. While a physical attraction holds some importance, focus on character over looks. Things such as a man that is caring, loving, kind, gentle, or whatever would allow you to truly open up your heart. Once you know what you want, you must also be clear about what is unacceptable. Consider the things or qualities that have hurt you in the past, so that they can be avoided in future relationships. Things like violence, unfaithfulness, over-indulging in drugs and alcohol, and being married are not the things need in a strong relationship. These boundaries are necessary. In fact, not being clear about boundaries tend to set you up for failure.
What do I offer?
Knowing yourself is just as important as knowing what you want from someone else. If you do not know yourself, you are more likely to fall for anyone. You need more than a boyfriend or someone on your side, you need another person to enhance your life that shares your personal values and likes.
Having a strong sense of who you are will attract someone who fits into your life. This is better than constantly changing your own preferences just to accommodate a guy. Changing who you are for someone else, just to be with them, creates a dangerous dynamic.
Where are you finding men?
If you always seem to meet the wrong men in the same location, it is time to change locations. Change your online profile, find a new place to meet others, and avoid men that remind you of previous companions.
What signals are being sent?
We send signals in everything we do; from the way we dress to the way we speak. Examine what you are saying with your clothing, actions, and speak. If you want someone who is laid back, but dress like you are ready to party at every moment, then change the signals. Mr. Right can be attracted to you with just a few minor adjustments.
What purpose do relationships serve?
If your purpose for a relationship is that you need to be affirmed or seek approval through it, you are not looking for the right reasons. You are a valuable human whether you are in a relationship or not. A man does not add or detract from your validation. The only approval necessary is that you receive from yourself.
Many women grow up without a healthy male figure or role model, this make them more likely to seek approval through a dating relationship. You may repeat a pattern of falling for a guy just to gain approval and then losing it over and over again. Once you recognize the destructive feelings, you can break the cycle. If needed, get help so that you can move forward in your life.
Is low self-esteem a problem?
Settling for less than you deserve is often a sign of low self-esteem. If you believe you are worthless, you will attract men that treat you as if you are useless. Work on your own self-esteem before you get into another relationship. This is true of every woman who has repeatedly been in bad relationships. You deserve the best person for you and there are many options so do not give in before the real deal comes along.
Do you settle?
If you continually jump from relationship to relationship, even though they never go well, just because you do not want to be alone, then you are asking for trouble. If the idea of a relationship is so important you are overlooking warning signs, then any relationship will do, but it is unlikely to be a happy one.
There will likely always be outside pressure from family and friends to find someone, but being in a wrong relationship can keep you from Mr. Right. It is perfectly fine to be alone, so take some time to breathe on your own. Use the down time to discover yourself and build some self-esteem. If a man is not right for you, just say no.
Are you addicted to bad boys?
Some women cannot seem to stay away from relationships that are bad for them. It may seem obvious to others that these relationships are bad, but those in them miss the signs. If you are addicted to situations like this, living on the edge until things turn bad, then you need a reminder that a bad boy always comes at a price.
Perhaps you feel like you can change people through a relationship, but the chances of this happening are slim at best. It is much more likely that you will end up hurt. If you are a nurturer at heart then channel that energy in better ways, toward those that will appreciate it. Volunteer with the homeless, shelter animals, or even troubled youth and then focus on finding a man who supports these ventures rather than needs care.