When I tell people I am a clinical psychologist, they often ask, “Can you read my mind?” The question has always fascinated me. I learned to pay more attention to tone and body language during my studies. Those cues can prompt a question and a conversation.
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A college exercise about what feels personal
When my friends and I were in college, we used to make playful guesses when someone asked whether we could read minds. We sometimes guessed seven after asking someone to think of a number between one and ten. On other occasions, we asked them to picture a cube and a ladder, and used their own answers to make up an interpretation. When the response landed, it could feel as if we knew something personal.
The classroom story that stayed with me
A professor once gave each person in my psychology class a description she presented as personal to their zodiac sign. I thought mine sounded accurate, and the class gave it an average of four out of five. We then learned that she had given us all the same description.
Psychologist Bertram Forer published a classroom demonstration in 1949 that illustrates a similar point. A broad observation can feel specific when it is presented as an individual assessment.
Weigh what you hear before acting
I’ve heard people describe readings that felt unexpectedly accurate or personally helpful. If a reading or horoscope gives you something to reflect on, ask what felt specific and what could apply to many people. When a prediction makes you feel rushed or afraid, give yourself time and consider speaking to someone whose help fits the decision.
Say what you need in your own words
In sessions, I rely on what clients tell me and how they describe it. If something feels uncomfortable or unhelpful in therapy, you can say so and ask what the therapist understood. The same habit can help in a relationship. Try “Could you listen for a few minutes? I’d like to tell you what I need before we try to solve it.”
Read the infographic in text
Why does that feel personal?
- What was said exactly? Separate the words you heard from what you added to them.
- Could it fit many people? Look for language broad enough to cover different experiences.
- What else do I know? Separate the description from evidence about the situation.
- What do I need to decide? Use your own words and take time before making a major choice.
A description can feel meaningful while leaving room for questions.