Dating is a great way that you can get to know people, especially in the queer community. This is a way that you can get to know yourself and others. Most people were taught to date straight growing up, and this has shaped the mindset for many. But now that life is different, there are new dynamics to dating.
If you want to find out how to have lesbian or gay love, you need to keep reading. It isn’t harder—it’s just different. Some people find gay and lesbian relationships confusing, while others find straight relationships confusing. This is a matter of what you like and want. If you’ve just come out, I hope that you get all the queer dating that you’re looking for! Here are some tips to help you.
What is Gay Flirting?
Before you start dating, you need to talk about flirting. Gay flirting is different from straight flirting. Most of the time, you’re going to have to make it up as you go. Queer women often don’t even admit that someone is flirting with them—even when it’s obvious.
If a girl is flirting with you, she will make strong eye contact and might touch your knee or your back. If you want to make it go further, kiss them on the cheek. But if you want to get out of the friendship zone, make sure your flirting is obvious and clear.
10 Honest Dating Tips for Queer Women
Dating as a queer woman or nonbinary person can be full of magic, missteps, and those awkward “wait, was that a date?” moments. Whether you’re fresh out of a long-term relationship or trying to ask someone cute out for coffee, these ten tips will help you stay grounded, hopeful, and true to yourself.
1. Set Your Boundaries First and Then Show Up Fully
It’s easy to let your guard down when you’re dating someone who understands your identity. But even when it feels safe, you still need to honor your boundaries. Share your location with a friend. Check in with yourself throughout the night.
And be honest—whether you’re looking for a serious relationship or something casual, say it early. Clear expectations save both of you heartache.
2. Balance the Apps with Real Life
Apps like Her, Lex, Feeld, and Tinder are helpful tools in the queer dating world. But don’t rely on them exclusively.
Make your profile feel like you, be upfront about your intentions, and once you match, suggest something real. Also, show up in offline spaces. Join a queer book club, hit trivia night, or just be present in your community. Sometimes love finds you in the least expected places.
3. Don’t Be Afraid to Say, “This Is a Date.”
Skip the ambiguity. Instead of saying, “We should hang out,” go with, “I’d love to take you on a date.” Clarity removes confusion, and being direct can be refreshing.
If they’re not into it? That’s okay. What matters is that you honored your intention.
4. Save Something for the Second Date
It’s tempting to dive deep too fast when the chemistry is strong. But take your time. You don’t have to overshare in the first five hours.
Let the story unfold slowly. That anticipation? It’s part of the joy.
5. Ask More Questions Than You Think You Should
Connection grows from curiosity. Ask them what they love. What they dream about. Follow up on their answers.
Showing interest isn’t just polite—it builds intimacy, and people notice when they feel seen.
6. Make the First Move
Traditional dating rules don’t apply. If you’re waiting for someone else to make the move, you might wait forever.
So be bold. Ask her out. Tell her you think she’s amazing. Even if it’s awkward, even if it doesn’t work out—you’ll never regret showing up with honesty.
7. Be Clear, Not Cruel
If it’s not working, don’t ghost. Be kind and real. You can say, “I don’t think we’re a match, but I’ve appreciated getting to know you.”
Honesty might feel uncomfortable, but it’s more respectful than silence.
8. Take Your Time, Even If It Seems Fast
Queer relationships can form emotional bonds quickly, but true understanding takes time.
Let things develop. Keep the conversation open. Don’t rush into plans before really knowing who you’re building them with.
9. Remember That You’re a Whole Person, Too
Dating can feel consuming, especially if you’re still learning how to show up fully as your queer self.
Take breaks. Re-center. Your worth isn’t defined by how many dates you go on. You are still whole, lovable, and enough, relationship or not.
10. Patience, Love. This Stuff Takes Time
You may go on awkward dates or feel like nothing is clicking. But love has a funny way of showing up when you least expect it.
Every moment, every misfire, is part of your story. Stay soft. Stay open. And remember: the right person is likely out there hoping to find you, too.
Final Thoughts
There are no set rules for lesbian or queer dating, and you’ll learn more by living through the awkward, joyful, and tender moments yourself. It might be hard. It might be confusing. But it also might be beautiful.
Life is about experimenting and evolving. So, if you’re still figuring it out? That’s okay. You’re exactly where you need to be. Give gay dating a real try—you might be surprised how much it teaches you about love and about yourself.